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Two paintings was all they allowed. I remembered being embarrassed with them on top of my car for the transits. I did not like be identified in public. The two paintings I showed were maybe the last two that I did. So am thinking I may have moved up to Winfield with Sonoma and Psy late in the autumn or winter. But actually now recalling, we got evicted after the house was sold.
I was ready to break out in new directions, completely from scratch. My problem was my ideas involved the use of technique that I did not possess, like how to
paint foliage scapes, in a quick and easy way. I did not know how to do what I wanted to do. If I had known the techniques of Bob Ross, the painter of PBS, a tree in ten seconds, I could have done something - probably. At any rate I moved back to Winfield Street and there was no room to paint there, so my painting career came to an end.
The idea was to take responsibility or commit suicide. Suicide was the only out.
If the body has no freedom and must sustain itself, requirements with constraint, and one's mind must be involved, if not a ward of the state,
the body is a slave to itself, in its needs and compulsions. There is no freedom.
One is a slave to material need. I had not the freedom to disobey the bodies requirements. I could limit them but not stamp them out. I don't mind it so much if I am a slave to a woman. That is natural. That is my body not me. It is female to be submissive.
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