Stories

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I found that I could watch and be aware of myself from outside myself. The first thing to do was remember to watch. Not something one might want to do all the time, too self-conscious, but now and then. Next the method was to make a note. If I did something in reality, like use a particular slang expression in certain situations, noticing it I would make a note. Since the subject of amendment may happen in the heat of the moment, like when interacting with others, there would be no time to dwell on it.

The idea was to remember to make a note and remember to remember it. Later when I got time I would analyze the subject of amendment, whether I wanted to retain, alter it in some way, substitute some other attribute, or just be rid of it. The analysis also made it easier to catch it in the act the next time. After a few instances one could catch oneself in the act and then before the act. The whole process took some practice. I did discover in later years, that some unconscious behaviors are suppressed so deep, that they are not manifest at all in one's normal activities, and can only be released by emotional incitement.

I would later find out that I created what George Gurdjieff called the 'Watcher'. His theory was that these automatic processes made us machines, and that to become conscious we would need to watch ourselves to discover what was unconscious manifestation.

I knew I was changing and my friends were not. While I could talk to them about what we had always talked about, they could not talk to me about all my changing ideas and new knowledge.

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