Analysis

I showed up and parked across the street in a small lot. But I was afraid to go in. I just sat in the car for about an hour. Was thinking if she came out I would tell her the problem. For all I know, I knock on the door and he is home. I drove home with my tale between my legs, but I still had a tail.

There came a point in my analysis where I had to make the decision as to whether to destroy the entire self, as it was in particular, or what is commonly called the Ego or self. This meant to remove myself from taking life seriously; to absent myself from emotional seriousness. This I could do because I could change my values by the process of analysis. This meant at the time, to take the emotion out of my life and to be more of an observer of myself than a participant.

Again my answer was: why be here if I am not really here, but only a tourist of my life. Why take the fun out of life by being beyond all emotion? Why not be a person with emotions and feelings? Why not be as most people are? If one is to understand the human condition then one must be as it is, and not as is-not. And if I was not like anybody else, lacking the typical emotional make-up, how could I study the cultural and social world if I was not of and immersed in it?

A major decision concerned the concept of freedom, which at least at a young age is an assumption of many, especially progressives, where restrictions, rules, laws, repetitive behavior are frowned on as restrictions to free expression, spontaneity, creativity or anything that would impede one's choices.

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