Considerations

My time to live
has always seemed open, unlimited, unbounded, never ending even, if sometime in the unimagined future. But to get a fatal disease, one that takes time like cancer, for which there even may be a cure, but then for how long before it pops up again ?

Suddenly life has limitation. Whereas before - refuse to think of an end point ? and life seems forever. How long is fifteen years to live ? one hopes. Seems forever or beyond the scope of comprehension. Fifteen years on the computer is how long it's been and it's gone. That's how long.

But suddenly one has cancer, the docs think. Well first the biopsy. Then they will know how malignant it is. Maybe it will be passive. Keep an eye on it, may turn out benign. But now, one has to think in terms of limitation. How long has one got, a year, two-three, five ?

Now there is a limit. Not fifteen years but fifteen months perhaps. What must be done ? What should one be doing considering the limits of duration now ? Time becomes more consequential. Time puts a stamp on the present and contorts it impositioning itself, short - time is short, what should be done ?

Not that one has to do anything. But still put oneself ahead and look back. What should I have done ? If only I knew now what I knew when I will know again. But I cannot the future foretell, to look back a perch from.

No precise time of demise of enough distance, one doesn't have to think about it. The disease of life, death in the end. But years yet, one can still live and love if only love would un-lonely and lovely itself.

Time constraint five years. Upsets the apple cart. What will one have time for ? Should one change now ? Does one start to chalk the wall with days passing, to be erased like one's life in the end. What work has one left to do ? Somehow it's not been pulled off. The end, where is it going ?

Begin to think of reasons to go. Politics is terrible. Global warming, do I want to witness the carnage. Mark Twain said he would endeavour to be as honest as he could without being thrown in jail. Get out while the getttings good. Should one think of what one will miss all maudlin and sentimental ?

The time will come. But for now there are no limits. Or will limitation arrive with the morrow ? Can relax and forget about it. Do what one has always done. Good days ahead.

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